Muhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I really miss her. And I've only been apart from her for two days. But three more days without her seems like an absolute age and I'm getting more and more miserable. It sounds so stupid because I've known her for like three years now and now I miss her more than I ever used to do before.

I love my girlfriend so much.

Here comes the sun...

And now, boys and girls, I can officially say that the summer has started. And I have so many plans for the next twelve weeks, that I don't think I'll be able to sit around for very long!

My Aiden Day.

The day.My day began at 6am. I didn't have to leave till quarter past 8, but I wanted to make sure that I was up and ready and out the door on time because I am usually late. The weather was horrible so I wasn't particularly looking forward to standing out in the rain all fucking day! I straightened my hair (pointless) and did my makeup and even had time for a bit of breakfast! I left at exactly quarter past 8 and then set off to Smithy Bridge train station. All the way there I was listening to my Aiden playlist on my iPod AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE just to get myself in the mood - not that I needed to be in the mood much more, because I was pretty much shaking from excitement as it was.

I got into Manchester at 10 past 9 and went to go get the tram to meet Adele at Piccadilly. I bought my ticket and this guy kept giving me funny looks so I was like "Whut?" He asked me if I was getting the tram to Bury and I was like "No, look, I'm on the other side of the platform, noob!" He then told me that the trams going that way weren't running, but there was a free bus that'd take me. I had wasted 60p, basically and I might've needed that! What an idiot for not helping me out.

I got the free bus anyway and got to Piccadilly at about 25 to 10, so I got myself something to drink, sat down somewhere and waited for Adele. She got in at quarter past 10 so, after she'd made a quick dash to the expensive loos, me and her began our adventure together!

First of all, we went to the photo shop that's just on the corner of Newton Street. Adele'd made a picture of Will that was made out of fag ends and coffee and stuff, so she'd taken a photo and wanted to print it and give it to him before/after the show. When we'd done that, we went to the Roadhouse. There was already about 15-20 people waiting outside. Adele recognised this girl called Lisa, who she knew from going to an Aiden show in Sheffield, and so I found a new friend. We spent a couple of hours talking, whilst trying our very best not to freeze by huddling under Adele's amazing £1 brolly from the Pound Shop.

When me and Adele finally realised that we just couldn't take the cold anymore, we decided to go to Primark and Starbucks - Starbucks to obviously get something to drink and Primark to get a few pairs of socks each to put on our feet and use as gloves. Whilst we were in Primark, I found the most amazing brolly that was only £2.50. Seriously, it was like a mini tent. We bought some socks and then went outside. I opened my new brolly...too far! It went inside out and this guy had to help me and Adele pull it back down. Everyone near by was stood, laughing at us, but I didn't really mind because, to be perfectly honest, it was pretty damn hilarious. After that minor antic, we went to Starbucks and Adele bought the most disgusting cup of tea ever, but she forgot to put milk in it - so she was basically drinking something that looked and smelt and probably tasted like piss. We also changed our socks in Starbucks and these people were getting really annoyed with us because they wanted to sit down, but couldn't because we couldn't fit our shoes back on when we had 3 pairs of socks on! Then we went to Aldi to try and find some cheap food. I bought Jives, which were basically fake Twixs, and Adele bought a massive pack of crisps - seriously, there were 18 bags in it.

We went back to the queue with our new property and found we were basically the saviours of the queue. I gave Lisa some socks for her hands and I managed to fit five people under my new brolly quite easily. I was very impressed. It stopped raining after a while, so I put my brolly down and Adele renamed it - THE PERVERT STICK. We kept pretending to burlesque dance with it, which was how it acquired its name. Ches and Annabel then rang me to tell me - they'd got on THE WRONG TRAIN. Well, I was basically crapping my pants. I told them to get off and get on the right train, which they did, and then went with Lisa to find them (after it'd started raining again - argh!). Lisa was also buying a card for Aiden for fans to sign and stuff, so I signed that and then we went back to the Roadhouse. It stopped raining again later on and so our hilarious dancing continued.

Aiden (well, all bar William) arrived during the middle of one of our dance sessions and nearly ran me and Adele over because we were dancing in the middle of the road! While they were unloading, someone had a video camera so me and Adele ran over and went "PERVERT STICK!" really loudly and shook it, did a dance and then ran off. I think they got us though, so, you never know! We may be on the next installment of Aidenvision! Keep an eye out kids.

Nick, Angel and Jake came and did a bit of signing and stuff. I managed to get my NOT A TICKET (xD) signed by Nick and Angel which was cool but Jake went inside before I'd got an opporunity. However, I think he was scared off because Lisa and Adele had thrown socks at him that had been dropped in the Cheesy Puff Pool (basically, a puddle that Adele had throw an open packet of Cheesy Puffs into). Adele missed spectaularly but Lisa got him right on the head which was hilarious to see!

Lisa decided to video me and Adele dancing with the Pervert Stick after Aiden had gone inside but, whilst recording, it actually BROKE. The pointy bit at the end came off and the spring inside went all funny and so basically it all just fell apart. It was a shame - because we were gonna give it to Aiden as a sort of joke present - but also very, very funny. RIP Pervert Stick. You are sorely missed.

At one point while we were outside, Adele started going, "There's Will!" But no-one believed her because we'd been saying stuff like that all day to make everyone look around. However, this time, she wasn't joking, and so we eventually turned around and saw him walking in! All the fangirls screamed and so he basically ran inside. Ches said that he looked like a hobbit with sunglasses on, because he's not amazingly tall and was hunched over with a backpack. The comment made me giggle and so now, at least, she has something to think of him as that will make her giggle instead of being freaked out (I'll get onto that bit).

Lisa stole someone's pen and wrote all our names on a poster holder thing and Annabel added things like, "We love Gary Glitter!" which made everyone giggle. We also did an impression of Will's dance when he stole Rick's pizza which made everyone laugh. Adele's friend Lorna was blatently the star however, because she ran behind us and did something. It was mega funny. Adele also amused people by writing "Angel ♥s Anal" on the wall, as well as sticking Jives there. It was a work of art, blates. We then decided to get in the queue properly, even though a whole load of late comers were pushing in front of us, so I spent a lot of the hour before the show shouting things like, "Y'know, I think it's fucking rude that some motherfuckers think they can turn up half an hour before the show and push in front of people who've been here since half 10 in the fucking morning!" Lisa had been there since 9 as well, so that was even ruder.

However, 6pm finally arrived and so we all ran inside and Adele and I managed to get pretty near the front, but Ches and Annabel decided that they wanted to be at the back. This fucking blonde bitch turned up as well and grabbed me and pulled me further back so that she could get nearer to the front. So this girl behind me, who I don't know, but now officially love started saying things to her like, "Who the fuck do you think you are? You've just split up this girl and her mate? Who the fuck gave you the right to turn up 10 minutes before the gig starts and get right to the front? Get to the fucking back!"

I promised the girl that I would buy her many sweeties if I ever saw her again. Because, quite frankly, she was hilarious. The two of us kept doing impressions of the blonde bitch and started talking about how we'd pull her wig off and stuff. And then the lights went down and it was time for the show...



The gig.
The first band that came on were a band called Idiom, which Adele and I quickly changed to Idiot. They were okay but nothing really special. Their lead singer was really freaky and, according to Ches and Annabel, danced like a shit version of Adam Lazarra. I was just more freaked out that he started stroking people's faces when he went near them. I couldn't really understand much that he was saying/singing either because he sort of mumbled when talking and just screamed when singing most of the time. I do like screamo, but it wasn't really the venue for it, I don't think. Especially when no-one knows who you are.

The second support band (and the main one as they kept reminding us) were called the Young Guns. They were a little better, but they had a poser for a lead singer. He seemed to think he was the next Ian Watkins or something. And he kept trying to have staring contests with me and stuff from the stage. It was really scary! When they had gone, however, the blonde girl went to go and get a drink and so me and Adele managed to push back in her space. BOOYAH! We basically win at life.

After the stage had been set up, the lights went down again and the whole place went a little crazy with everyone screaming and shouting and stuff. Nick, Jake and Angel all came on first, of course and started to play some stuff. Then eventually Will came on and I very nearly started crying again. Just the fact that all four of my heroes were stood in front of me was breathtaking and I couldn't believe that I was so lucky! I fought off this guy that was trying to punch me to get further forward and managed to end up on like the second row of people.

They played "The Last Sunrise" first and so everyone was jumping around and pushing forward and singing their fucking hearts out. I managed to hold Will's hand during that song and so I nearly cried again! I did it later on in the gig as well, and I also managed to touch Angel's guitar and hand. The whole gig felt like a battle but, at the same time, it felt fucking amazing because I knew why I was there - I was there to support the band that has kept me going since day one of finding out who they are and why they're doing what they doing. I was there to be a part of something; to be part of a family of sorts. Everyone in that room belonged, no matter if we didn't really like each other in the first place. We were, and are, a part of Aiden's family of fans, the people that help them to keep going so that they can help us in return.

Will told everyone that he'd got married, of course, and said that his baba boy is due in October which I think is going to be awesome! He looked like he was going to cry and, both Adele and I agree, that he's going to be an amazing dad because he's grown up so much over the last two years. It was really good to see him so happy. He also said that he needed our help with baba names so I shouted..."NOT BANDIT!" He heard and started laughing, as did the others, and so I think he got the message that stupid names are not allowed. I will disown him if so.

At the very end of the gig, I managed to highfive Angel when he went as well as grab Nick's hand! When Will came over, though, he not only grabbed my hand but pulled me forward by my shoulders and screamed "FUCK YEAH!" right in my face! For the first moment in my life, I was pretty scared of him! I seriously thought he was going to eat me or something!


After the gig.
I went to go and buy a tee from the merch stand, only to find that my wallet had fallen out of my pocket during the gig! I went back to where I had been and this guy was waving it around going, "Has anyone lost this shitty wallet?!" and I was like, "Yeah, meeeee." I wasn't embarrassed though because I was just pleased that I'd found it! It had all the money that I had to my name in it! I went and bought a tee from the stand and then looked around for Adele. I couldn't find her, Ches or Annabel anywhere, so I got some water and went outside. I found Ches and Annabel there and they told me about their gig experience. Adele then came outside and we were all like OHMYFUCKINGGOD for a little while.

After about half an hour or something like that, Aiden came out. Ches gave me her picture to give it to them, as well as her ticket so that I could get it signed for her. I went over to Jake and got him to sign our tickets and stuff and then went to Nick. I gave Nick the picture and said, "My best friend drew this for you. She's a bit shy so that's why she's not come over. She thinks it's really crap, but it's really, really not." He looked through the roll thing, because he was being mobbed and so couldn't unroll it and said, "Awww that's really awesome. Tell her thank you very much and not to be shy next time. I won't bite her." And he signed her ticket as well. Then I went to Will with Adele and she gave him her picture! He was chuffed to bits with it, and I took a picture of the two of them - Adele says it's the best one of him and her which I'm really pleased I've managed to do! He signed both my NOT A TICKET and Ches's ticket, even though he was going, "I gotta go, I gotta go!" as well as Adele's top! Finally, we went over to Angel and I thought I'd given him Ches's ticket, but I'd given him my NOT A TICKET by accident! So, discreetly, I gave him hers as well and he signed it. Thankfully, he didn't notice he'd signed my thing twice...Then they all set off, either in a van or walked down the street.

I rang my dad up then and he set off to come and pick us up. Ches and Annabel got picked up and me and Adele made them all laugh because we were making chicken noises. After a while, there was only me, Adele and a couple of other people. Angel and Jake came back to the pizza shop while I was on the phone to my dad and I was talking really, really loudly so Angel kept giving me funny looks, which made me laugh a lot. When my dad finally found where we were, we ran past and went "BYEEEEE!" and Jake did this crazy little wave and went "BYEEEEEEE!" back, which was really, really funny.

When we got home, my dad made some chips for me and Adele because we were starving and then we went online for a bit. We were pretty fucking tired though, so we went to sleep really quickly, and dreamt about the amazing day that we had had together.

Fucking hell, a lot happened! I hope you haven't got too bored if you have actually read all of this, because I know it is an essay and a half. But the tale had to be told! Comment it, mofos. It deserves it, because, quite honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. Ever.

Guess what kids?

Today I spent most of the day in the sunshine with Ellie and it was really, really good and felt properly like summer. We sat outside and made daisy chains and took picatures together. I kept trying to take picatures of the bumble bees that were raping the bushes nearby but they moved too quick. And a spider kept trying to crawl up my leg and I got scared. I don't like spiders.

I'm so happy right now. Honestly, I just...I don't know, I can't really explain it. I just want to dance and sing...a lot. I just don't want to hurt her, which I'm worried I will do because I seem to do that a lot. It's kinda like I'm this big fireball of love and cuddles, but whenever I try I turn the other person to ashes and I hate watching it happen. I think I've been lying to myself about this for a long time, but I'm glad we've both said what we were thinking now. I feel like a new person and I kinda like it. I feel much more free.

Also, I am a pervert. And there is no running away from that fact. Just...my mind really likes to wander...

Today

Should have been my grandma Mollie's 84th birthday. It's not because she had her life stolen from her by something that made her less than herself and that made her feel a burden on all of us who cared about her. Although it sounds a perfectly good age to leave life, my grandma should still be living. She was too young to die.

I miss my grandma. I miss my grandad too, but at least he died with some dignity. My grandma died after lying unconcious in a hospital bed for three days, in the middle of the night with no-one around her. I was there when my dad got the phone call and I heard him crying. I sat there sobbing in the church, with people I barely knew, but loved because they were saying goodbye as well.

Cancer destroys families.

Crash Fuckin' Bandicoot.

I agree with Ches on this one. American celebrities seem to have no idea about naming their children. Lucinda got it right - Violet is a really pretty name for a girl. I'd be quite happy to be called Violet if my parents had named me that because it's feminine and makes you sound interesting. Let's face it, if someone said they were called that, you'd probably compliment it.

But fucking BANDIT?! I bet you anything, Linds didn't even get a look in. Gerard and Pete had it planned that they were gonna name their kids after fucking gangs and that was that. The girls had no say (although, with Pete, that was probably for the best as Ashlee would name it something like Sparkly Diamond Baby). Poor kid...Gerard, what the hell is wrong with you? Why not name the kid after your brother as well - you do say that you're best friends. Lindsey - why didn't you stand up for yourself? Don't let that man name your child something stupid! We all know that you are a million times more sensible than him.

And William Francis - if you don't name your child something sensible, I will refuse to even think about you because, although it's nothing to do with music, if you can't give your child a nice name, then you're obviously uncaring and a bit thick really. So, I will tell you this myself, I hope, but GIVE YOUR BOY A NICE NAME! Something sensible like Alex or Joey or Andrew.

And also because Ches has said she will call you her favourite band. MUHA!

So...

I've been stuck inside the house for basically a day and a half and I'm already going a little mad. I just wish that my dad would give me a damn key so that I can perhaps go out or have someone come and see me! It's not funny that all I can do is sit here. I'm getting a little bit of revision done, true, but I am actually going insane! I mean, this morning I actually walked up and down the stairs six or seven times for no actual reason. I am also sat here with greasy hair and pyjamas on which is not like me. Normally I have a shower and get dressed even if I'm not going anywhere.

Oh my god, I want to smash my head on the table! I can't take another three days of this!

Having said that...I don't wanna go to beavers tonight. That is another prison. And it also means I have to spend an hour in the company of...Danny. God help me. I'm going to be dead by the end of this week.