One.

Well, this is gonna be interesting. I was told I should start one of these seeing as I'm struggling at the minute. What with, you may ask? And seeing as I doubt anyone's going to read this, I might as well say. At the minute, I'm struggling with just about everything there is to struggle with. I keep all of my feelings bottled up inside, I can't keep on top of my school work, my parents are constantly telling me how crap I am, I feel like my friends don't wanna know me anymore...you get it. Typical teen? Naw.

I'm gonna start updating this everyday if I can, just so that I can get everything out. If anyone reads it, then don't be offended about what I write, even if I'm writing about you. If you can't deal with honesty then you shouldn't even be on here tbh. Even if I'm calling you a complete pratt and slagging you off like nothing else, then it could just be a passing phase. And if it isn't, then I'll tell you what I think about you.

So, first off...well, my day was kinda crap really. I'm so paranoid atm. Just every little thing seems to get to me: when people laugh at me because I do summat stupid, when people look at me if I say summat wrong in class, when people whisper when I walk past...I feel like the whole world is turning around and snickering behind my back atm. I know that it's not true, but that's how it feels. Yeah, I'm probably being a complete retard, but, hey, I never confessed to being a genius.

I'm really scared about leaving year 11 too. I mean, I'm glad to be going somewhere new, to be studying new things and to be generally growing up...but at the same time I'm terrified of it all. The simple fact that most of my friends won't be going to the same college as me is a truly horrifying notion. I'll have no Ches to laugh with in English, no Annabel to call me a bony bastard, no Sarah to be like my mum when I need her, and no Ellie to randomly undo my bra or skirt. People say I'll find new friends, and of course I'll be with my boyfriend there, but that's not the same. I feel like I've only just got settled with the group of friends that I have now and the thought of losing them - especially Ches - makes me feel so...alone. I want to take them all with me, just so I have some kind of security.

All that keeps running through my head atm is, "People ain't gonna like you at Holy Cross." Maybe that's true - maybe no-one else will understand me and my strange antics and my random changes in mood. Maybe Ciaran won't wanna even look at me by the time I go there, and then I really will be alone...Jesus, I might as well write myself off now, y'know?

Well, that's about all I have to talk about atm. Maybe I'll have more tomorrow.

Thankyou.