Getting stuff out of my system.

For the record, I don't enjoy being depressed. It just happens a lot. Even when people think that I'm happy, usually on the inside I feel like shit. I have this tendency to hide my problems and try and pretend they're not there, for the simple reason that I feel that, compared to everyone else, I have nothing to complain about. It's true, I know it is. But when I do decide to be honest for once, I don't expect to have it thrown back in my face, especially by someone who I was there for when they were upset over something that really didn't mean anything. It really offends me that she didn't even pretend to care. Proof that, yes, she is a self-centred little bitch.

Second point I want to make - attention seekers really fucking piss me off. Everyone says that I'm an attention seeker because I'm loud and often quite stupid and obnoxious, but (unfortunately) that is me being me. I am naturally loud because I'm an expressive person. I like making everyone else happy and I like making everyone else laugh. I guess I'm like the clown in Rorschach's joke. But, anyway, not the point. I don't like being the centre of attention unless I'm singing, and that's only because I want people to sit up and take notice that no matter what's going on in their lives, they can still do the stuff that they know, deep down, they were born to do. I don't do things to myself, then lie about what happened just so that people will take an interest in me. But then again, I guess some people are just determined to have something going wrong with their lives, even if all the guys seem to drool after them and they're like a genius. Ha.

I also really don't like the fact that teachers seem to have no emotions whatsoever, and certainly no sympathy. I've been basically laughed at today by a teacher because I hate lines not being straight and the right length. Does anyone else see what's wrong with that, really? Yes, okay, sometimes it takes me longer to do my work than other people, but at least I'm doing it, y'know? At least I'm actually making an effort with my work. I don't even want to do anything with that subject anyway - I'm doing it because I have to. No other reason.

And finally, I want to apoligise to a lot of people. I'm sorry that I've done so much crying this week, especially these past couple of days. I've been really trying to hold myself together, but I'm sort of sellotaped at the seams at the minute. Don't worry about it, I'll have it sorted soon, I hope. I'll be back to my normal smiling self as soon as I can be and we'll all be able to put those outbursts behind us. As long as teachers don't start asking questions then I'll be okay.

That was a really long blog. Wow.