So, I haven't posted a blog in a few days.

And I really think it's time that I did. I need to get some stuff out of my system, I think, because it's dragging me down and making me feel very isolated. I appreciate that I have my friends there for me - and I honestly wouldn't change any of them for the world - but I'm finding myself losing my colour again.

I once described myself as a canvas, something vibrant and, perhaps, beautiful that people can appreciate as a work of art. Although I didn't mean it literally (yet - pink hair and tattoos will come in time), I think most people understood what I was trying to say. I'm not the sort of girl who likes to stay in one place, doing one thing all the time and staying quiet, because I believe that I was born to speak out and do something different and tour the world with my music. At the moment, music is my art. That is what I do.

I haven't sung in weeks, not unless I've had to or I've been listening to a CD in the car. But that never feels the same as sitting down at my piano and singing my heart out, just on my own. I just haven't felt like doing there. I just sorta sit down, start and then stop because I'm not in the mood. Is there anyone else out there who understands what that's like for me? I feel like a part of me - specifically, my reason for existence and my colour - has been stolen in the middle of the night and I don't really know where to look for it. I've tried busying myself with other things - with writing, with supporting bands, with phone conversations, with anything that normally works to get me back on track. But nothing is helping. I don't know what to do really.

I'm trying my best to keep my friends going right now. I'm not, in any way shape or form, saying that they're not doing their bit to help keep me going, because they really are. I think if they hadn't spent time telling me how special I am to them, I think I would've just given up and teachers would have found themselves an empty seat in the exam hall. I think I'm coping because I've only resorted to doing something stupid once, and it was only little. Yeah, I've not told anyone and it's healed now, so that's another bit over. Sorry if finding that out upset you, but I don't really think you need to worry. I think I've found closure for that bit of my life. It was stupid and unneccessary.

But, yes, basically - I'm sorta struggling right now. And maybe it comes as a surprise to a lot of you, because I always do my best to smile and make everyone else happy. When other people are happy, that's usually all that matters to me. But if I'm not quite as upbeat as you might expect, don't ask me why I'm like that - because I don't know myself - but just give me a hug or something and I'll try and cheer up.

I love you all. Please don't forget that.

PS. Insulting my friends isn't going to get you in my good books, is it? Think about what you're doing before you do that, especially when you say that you care 'so much' about me. You blatently don't if you're willing to insult others when you know that I care about them very deeply and will therefore take offence on their part. No, I haven't yet forgiven you, so don't have a rant at me.